Date Tags juice

Health drinks can be a little hard to swallow sometimes, as anyone who’s ever choked down a bottle of kombucha can confirm. No matter how much honey, fruit, or packets of Splenda you toss into the blender, it’s hard to cover up the taste of kale to the point where it doesn’t taste like the south end of a northbound alpaca. In Peru, however, they’ve come up with a supposedly rejuvenating concoction that is thoroughly impossible to make taste like anything other than exactly what it is: frog juice.

This is a culinary delicacy in some parts of South America’s third-biggest country. Jugo de rana (literally a whole frog thrown into a blender along with some herbs and honey) has its origins in ancient mystical folklore. It’s also called “Peruvian Viagra,” due to its supposed positive effects on erectile dysfunction. So guys, if you’re having any, ahem, difficulties, you might want to go frog hunting.

But keeping things up isn’t the only thing amphibian squeezings can treat:

  • Anemia
  • Tuberculosis
  • Asthma

If you’ve got any of these conditions, you can benefit from gulping down slimy, mulched pond hoppers. As a bonus, the specific type of critter used as the main ingredient is the Titicaca water frog (Telmatobius culeus). If that wasn’t hilarious enough, that particular frog’s nickname happens to be, because of its baggy, wrinkly appearance, “the scrotum frog.”

Frog juice is not some niche drink that’s consumed only by a small minority who are immune to nausea; it’s very popular. Purveyors of the stuff are murdering so many scrotum frogs, in fact, that they’re sliding rapidly toward extinction. To be fair, an increase in pollution is also killing them off in droves, which would seem to argue against their continued ability to produce healthy erections (unless this condition also happens to be a heretofore-unknown side effect of sucking in industrial waste). The Peruvian government is taking measures to save the species by prosecuting illegal wildlife traders and raiding frog juice vendors (who individually go through fifty to seventy containers of the stuff per day). But as the demand remains, your local frog juice dealer will be out there. After all, supernatural medical beliefs of our ancestors supersede bureaucrats telling us that puréeing frogs is wrong.